STЯANGE&BEAUTIFUL

"There is some blue sky! Let us chase it!"

Happiness

I was talking to my friend last night about my year. I was reflecting and answering the question, “Why was your first year so hard?”

Well…I can talk about that for days.

I wrote that post about how I take things very personally. Then there are bad days that I write about.

All in all, I think the key to keeping happy and positive next year is to stay calm. I know when I feel low and when I feel out of control. I’m very aware of my emotions. Not to say that I’m an emotional wreck every day of my life. On normal days, I handle things pretty well. But man, this teaching thing is a huge roller coaster ride for someone like me. I mean, I got a tattoo that says Shanti! (which does help me when I feel wild, by the way).

Anyway, my goal for next year is to do several things.

1. I really want to meditate. It is a good habit and I just feel like I need it.

2. I need to….make plans of action for myself when I get in situations that I know I will be in. When certain kids are driving me up a wall or I feel low.

3. I want to be more strict on my sleep schedule. I already am! I’m in bed by 10. I always say I’m in bed by 10 on the dot…but its not true…I need to make sure I get my sleep.

Anyway, positive comments from family and friends on Tumblr helps too (= Waegen is always there with a positive comment. (=

I look forward to it all!!

A little reflection…

I don’t know if this is a normal thing about teaching or if its a thing that is specific to me. I am the type of person that takes things really personal and I stress out soooooo much when there is something that I feel might become personal. 

So in school there is something that I have been really stressing over. Just a small thing that I encounter every day almost. The reason I stress over it is because I am afraid I am doing it incorrectly. Today I had a very quick exchange with a colleague and the topic was brought up. I got really nervous because I was afraid the comment might confirm what I originally thought, that I was doing it incorrectly. But the comment was one of reassurance. I left that conversation feeling so relieved and so glad that I am really doing the best I can at my job. 

When it comes to teaching, I can be very insecure. I am still not sure if that is just a personality trait I have, or if it is specific to teaching. I am beginning to think it is a little bit of both. And that it is showing more about myself as a person. I have a hard time just trusting myself. I am very hard on myself and I never feel like I am doing the best I can. Even if someone tells me, “You are doing a great job!” I don’t believe them. It takes small comments that might not even be intended as reassurance to make me feel confident. It is really strange. I am more likely to feel comfort in someone having a similar experience. If someone says, “That happens to me too, I agree”. I will feel better. Otherwise, I just feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.

It is really stressful to be insecure. Oh boy.